Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Rowes Wharf Ferry Terminal

            So today I decided that I would take a walk around the Aquarium area of Boston. When I got to the Aquarium I didn’t have to shit. I noticed a sign that said; “Boston Harbor walk” and I thought to myself, “I haven’t ever done that, why don’t I go and walk around there.” While walking around I could feel some earthly rumblings in my stomach, which was mother natures’ way of telling me we need to find a port to dock in. I am now a little way into the harbor walk when I came upon our next location, The Rowes Wharf Ferry Terminal.

            Now the terminal itself is located somewhere in Rows Wharf. It is actually difficult to explain where it is, so please bear with me. There are little walkways between the Imax Theatre and the Aquarium. You walk along the docks weaving between buildings, restaurants, and hotels. You will then see a few ships kind of just chilling there in the water (it is winter after all, and I don’t think they run as frequently, but you would have to check for more accurate information). There is lettering on the side of the building saying “Ferry Terminal” with a whole bunch of advertising. I thought, “great, this is exactly where I am going to go and take a shit. This is indeed secret.”

            Now being the nice guy that I am, I always like to ask people if I can shit in their establishment (this keeps my cover). When I walked into the Ferry Terminal, I saw three counters, with exactly zero employees. It was only a hunch that there might be a bathroom in here, so now I am stumped as to what to do. But lo and behold, I look up and pointing down a little hallway is a sign for the restroom. Now I should point out that when I walked down this hallway, on the right hand side was a door leading outside again. On the outside of the door was a sign that said; “Restrooms”. So I didn’t even need to walk into the ferry terminal to ask, I could have just walked into this door and used them. Well this is why I write, so you don’t make the same mistakes as I do.

            So I walked down another small hallway and I immediately go and survey the restroom. It is of a medium size, with one urinal, and one handicap stall. The overall inspection yields the results that this place is very clean, probably because nobody knows it’s there.

            The handicap stall is outfitted with a double coat hook. The hooks themselves are fairly tiny, but they are sturdy. They had more than enough size to hold my coat and bag. Now came the time to sit on the toilet and actually shit. I will say, not a single soul walked into this bathroom. About midway through my poop I actually thought I was trespassing to be honest. But then I remembered that there was a sign displayed to the public. This stall was a dream to shit in! it was large and roomy, more than enough room to feel comfortable. The toilet itself was in the corner, while the door was on the left hand side towards the opposite wall. I really like this stall setup. No one can peer through the little slits in the door to peep you while you poop. All they have is a locked door to look at.

            Now with all of that said, the décor of the place was abysmal. It was so generic, that the word generic, would call it generic. Small beige and white tiles lined the walls, while the same equally small tiles lined the floor, except they were grey in color. If you are looking for a designer shitter, this definitely isn’t it. This shitter has a very utilitarian feel. Again this is a ferry terminal after all.

            Now with my shit today being swift and mighty, it ended almost as quickly as it began. This place had a one toilet paper roll holder. This could pose a problem if it were busier, but for right now it was fine. My only complaint was that the toilet paper was too high in the holder. It took about twenty seconds or so for me to fish it out, so I wasn’t able to get a good look at it as I was shitting. Now when I finally did pull the toilet paper down, I was shocked that it was two ply. It did feel a little thin for a two ply, but it had little ridges in it on one side of the toilet paper. I would imagine that would take care of the clumps in your bottom. The toilet paper felt below average to average at best. It didn’t hurt my ass, nor did it feel great. After using the manual flusher I made my way over to wash my hands. The water was automatic, but the soap dispenser was manual. There was only one option to dry your hands, which was paper towels. Like the toilet paper, it had been so filled and underused that it was kind of hard to fetch them out.

            So now that you know about this spot, let’s get into The Secret Shitter’s Review.

Accessibility: 3
Business: 0
Number of Stalls: 1
Stall Comfort: 4
Décor: 2.5
Toilet Paper Quality: 3

Overall Rating: 4

            Well this shitter is definitely above average. It is secluded which is both good and bad. It is almost too secluded for its’ own good. It is accessible to the public on a public walkway, but the sign is a tad hard to read. The only way to really tell that the bathrooms here exist is by reading a small four inch sign on the door. After reading this you could just look for the ferry terminal sign and just go to the right side door, but if you were out and about with a level five alarm going off in your colon then you might not be in the right mind to look for little details like this. The only upside is that the place is a virtual ghost-town in the winter! Not even the employees were there. But I did see ships that had “Logan Airport Shuttle” and “Boston Harbor Islands Ferry” written on the side of them, so that might be a different story in warmer weather. But for right now you are pretty much on your own when it comes to shitting in there. This is an average shitter at best if it were located anywhere else. What makes this bathroom so good is its’ location and seclusion. The décor is subpar, and the toilet paper is average. If there were a bunch of tourists waiting to go to the islands, then this bathroom could get bad really quickly. Quite frankly I don’t think this is the case even in warmer weather though. I know it is just speculation, but I think that most of the ships that go out to the harbor islands leave from the Aquarium. I could be wrong on that though. Either way if you are caught in the no-mans-land between South Station, and the Aquarium, this is a more than adequate place to leave your little brown nuggets behind.

Great so now that we got through the review, now it is time for shameless plug time! You know we have a book right? It is called; The Secret Shitter’s Guide to Boston Volume 1 and you can get it here on Amazon (it comes with free Prime Shipping). We are also working on the follow up to our first book which will be called; The Secret Shitter’s Guide to Boston Volume 2: Electric Poogaloo. Any sales from the first two books will be directly used to send me to a new location! Which city would you like to see me shit in next? Tell me via our Facebook Page, Twitter Page, or email us at;

Until Next time, Peace.  

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