Friday, July 17, 2015

Copley Place Mall

     Deep among the  people lurked the Secret Shitter. The Copley Place Mall is home to upscale clothing boutiques and fashion outfitters. This is precisely where the Secret Shitter wants to strike. In a mall that sells Burberry and has a Tiffany & Co , it is bound to have awesome toilets right? I had felt an urgent need to find the restroom a little over a half hour after I mowed down a large Chicken Fry Value Meal at the Park Street Burger King.

A sign directing you to the hallway where the bathroom is located
      The Copley Place Mall is totally free to use, and it is conveniently located around downtown Boston. You do not need to purchase anything to enter these restrooms. That is if you can find them. I had remembered that they were to the left of the waterfall on the second floor. How wrong I was. They are located on the first level down a long hallway after a Santander Bank ATM.

      Every time I go to take a shit in a public toilet my go to spot is the handicap stall. However in this restroom the handicap stall’s lock did not operate properly and I was forced to use a common man’s shitter. There were only two stalls in addition to the handicap one, making it three totals.

      The stall I sat in was very clean. However it wasn’t spacious by any means. If I moved my elbows up to my chest they hit the wall. Another thing that caught my attention was there was no coat hook this being the summer it is totally a non issue. However I don’t know about you, but in the winter I do not shit with my jacket on, so I need a place to store a coat. Even if there was a coat hook in this particular stall, I feel that if I hung a coat up it would wobble the door and potentially lead to either; the door swinging open, or it falling on the ground. Both of which are not good things to have going for you. The bathroom also had a good amount of traffic going through it,  I was boggled as to why there were three stalls in there. Although I am not ashamed by any means of my butt orchestra, some people are; which would make this bathroom very tense one to poop in. 
A directory of the mall courtesy of

     Next is the toilet paper. It wasn’t the cheap kind, but felt like a generic knock off brand two-ply. It didn’t aggravate my anus, and I was wiping quite vigorously. The toilet was an automatic flusher, and took my mighty offering in one fell swoop. The sinks were also automatic, and dispensed an adequate amount of soap and an appropriate amount of water. It took maybe one and a half cycles of water to really get the soap out. They also had paper towels in addition to the air dryers, which I am not fond of personally.

      The décor in the bathroom was really nothing to write home about. It was a standard black and white tiles design with a little bit of brown thrown in there. It kind of gave the room a; look see we sort of tried, look to it.

So now that the review is done, here is the breakdown (out of a possible 5):

 • Number of stalls: 1 
• Toilet Paper Quality: 3.5 
• Stall comfort: 2 
• Busyness: 5 
• Décor: 2.5
 • Cleanliness: 4
 • Accessibility: 2 

Overall Rating: 2.5 

     This is your pretty average run-of-the-mill bathroom. What damaged The Copley Place Mall’s overall rating is: the busyness, stall size, and accessibility. This is no secret oasis by any stretch of the imagination. However this is definitely a clean place to deposit some logs. I wouldn’t worry about catching crabs or having to hover-poop here.  In conclusion I wouldn’t hesitate to relieve my bowels here at all. I hope this helps you, and remember, grunt with pride, and never be ashamed to poop!

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