Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Residence Inn Marriott Hotel: Back Bay Fenway

           Sometimes you just have to go. This is the situation I found myself in when I went to our next destination, The Residence in Marriott Hotel. Now I am no stranger to the pooping danger, and hotel bathrooms have been pretty good to me. They are free, and if you don’t look homeless, chances are they will let you go right on in and use the bathroom without having to buy anything, or do anything special to gain entrance.

            When you enter the hotel you will see that the lobby is quite large. There is a little area to the left after you walk in where they serve coffee and tea. Right in front of you will be the front desk. There will be no way around it, you will have to ask to use the bathroom here. The restrooms are marked, but it is only once you start walking down towards that area the signs become visible.

            So what if you don’t want to tell the front desk agent you got a dook monster lurking in your loins? Well here is what you do. Remember when I told you about the coffee and tea to your left? Keep that information in your head. That room has an open design, but there is a small hallway that keeps going, that is where the bathroom is located. If you keep walking down this way, turn left and you will find the bathrooms.

            When you walk into the bathroom you will notice that there is only one stall. Just to my liking it is a handicap stall. I guess if you are going to have just one stall it needs to be a handicap one. Any way I was pumped. I got in and began my evaluation of the Fenway area pooper.

            You know what was great about it? There were two hooks to hang your coat on. One hook for your bag, and another for your jacket. These are the things that I like to see in a bathroom. Someone must like to poop like me. But either way you will also find that the stall is rather comfortable and large. It is the size of the wall and takes up a nice chunk of the bathroom.

            The other great thing about this bathroom was being able to poop in peace for a solid ten minutes without being interrupted in the least. Not only did nobody come and knock on the door, but nobody even came in to take a piss. I normally go and use the bathrooms at night after work, but on this day it was somewhere around eleven o’clock in the morning. So needless to say I was shocked when it came to the fact that the bathroom was barren.

            Now the décor of the pooper was pretty different. The walls were a manage of brown, grey, and white. While the floor tiles were grey with a touch of lime green. Now that is the wild factor I look for. Very few places incorporate green into their color schemes, it is usually dark, woody, colors. Adding the lime green to the light grey made the bathroom seem light and airy.

            So while frolicking through the poop-fields, it was sadly time to end my stay here, which means I had to turn my attention to the toilet paper. Now you can have the best décor, a heated toilet seat, hell you could even have a washroom attendant, but all of that goes out the window if you have subpar toilet paper. Actually the toilet paper that was in this bathroom was a quite cushy two ply. The only downside was that one of the two toilet paper holders was broken. I am sure somebody knows and have worked on it since I went in there, but you cannot be too sure. Nothing in my notes stood out to me expect the nice quality of the toilet paper, so with that deed done, the automatic flusher took my offering to the mole people living beneath Boston, and I was on my way.

            It is also worth mentioning that the hand washing facilities were automatic as well. With a paper towel drying apparatus. So that is always good too. So now that we are in the know, let us get to The Secret Shitter’s Five Star Review System.

Number of Stalls: 1
Accessibility: 2
Stall Comfort: 5
Cleanliness: 4
Toilet Paper Quality: 4
Décor: 5
Busyness: 1

Overall Rating: 5

            That’s right, we are going to give the Residence Inn Marriott Hotel Five Stars. Considering that this hotel is nestled in one of the busiest districts of Boston (Fenway Neighborhood) and it was mid-day, and not a single person even came in to take a leak, I consider this bathroom an oasis in the dessert of shit. What really set the bathroom over the edge was the subtle use of lime green in the tiles. Yeah I know what you are saying to yourself, that is all it takes to impress you? Well, yes, and no. I applaud the Residence Inn Marriott Hotel and their design team when it comes to the color scheme, but it is more about the seclusion and about the security of my anus to be honest. Not to mention the toilet paper didn’t rip my asshole to shreds. Even though one of the toilet paper holders were broken, I am sure that it has been rectified by the time of this writing. I can’t imagine that a hotel will let something like that go for too long without it being checked out. Yeah there is some generic Red Sox pictures hanging in the bathroom, but that is to be expected in the Fenway Neighborhood of Boston. So if you are down that way before a game, or are just in the neighborhood this is a must poop place.

            Think I got it right, want to add some of your own stories? Sound off in the comment section below.

            Also have you heard that we have a book out? You did? Did you get it? Why not? Keep The Secret Shitter’s Guide to Boston Volume 1 in your bag and never fear pooping in public again. Get to KNOW the bathrooms before you have to GO to the bathroom. The Secret Shitter’s Guide to Boston Volume 1 makes a great Birthday gift, or a gift for any time of the year. So head on over to and pick your copy up today!

            Until next time, Peace.   

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