Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Barnes and Noble at Kenmore Square

Photo: Secret Shitter
               This is our first user generated review! Thanks to Secret Shitter enthusiast Dave, we are up and on our way to our next location, The Barnes and Nobel at Kenmore Square. I have been in this particular bookstore only a handful of times, and I never knew there was a shitter here. So big ups to you Dave for giving us the word about this new poop spot.

                As I have said before I have been in this place only a handful of times. There is no real signage that points to any restrooms, but I guess that makes sense. At another Barnes and Nobel in the Copley Mall they have one, so why wouldn’t the one in Kenmore Square?

                I was so taken aback that I never noticed this that Dave had to tell me where it was. I started on my trek having gotten out of work early for a change, and it just so happened that the stars aligned and I had to shit on my way to the train station.

                When you first walk into the Barnes and Nobel in Kenmore you immediately see a Starbucks on your right, followed by a large Boston University Campus Store to your diagonal left. Pay no attention to either of these things. They are just there for distracting you from your ultimate goal, taking a beefy shit. What you want to do is go directly ahead and step onto the escalator which will take you to the second floor. Once you are on the second floor you are almost at your goal. You want to head to your immediate right and walk down the hallway past all of the bargain book deals. There will be two rooms directly ahead of you. There is a Magazine room, and to the left of that there is a hallways that says “Exit”. The exit hallway is where you want to head to. Inside that hallway you will find two restrooms, one for the ladies, and one for the men. I would advise you to go into your respective shitter.
Photo: Secret Shitter

                There is a sign outside of the door that says, “if restroom is locked it means it is in use”. This means wonderful things for your pooping experience. Just think, a restroom all to yourself inside of the Kenmore square area. I knocked on the door, and didn’t hear an answer, so with my buttocks percolating I headed inside.

                I locked the door behind me, then I tried to find the coat hanger to hang my bag, which I could not locate. So looking around I decided it was safe to lay my bag on the ground and I proceeded to do the poo-thing. This was a one stall private commode. One that very few people know about and is hidden from plain sight. I sat down on the toilet and proceeded to unfurl my butt grumpies on the unsuspecting toilet below.

                There really wasn’t much in the area of décor for this restroom. There were white tiled walls, and there was a very nice shade of maroon floor tiles. The bathroom didn’t have an atypical industrial look, but felt generic nonetheless. There was tagging on the interior of the door. Although I could not make out what was written down, nor did I try too hard to decipher it. The bathroom itself looked to be in good condition outside of the few scraps of toilet paper huddled against the right side wall. It appears that this gets cleaned on the regular, so there is no need for worries here. There was also a cool looking bright orange plunger sitting in the corner in case the shit didn’t go down all the way.
Photo: Secret Shitter

                The cool thing about this bathroom was how quiet it was. It was actually so quiet while I was pooping I could feel the woman’s room toilet flush, I don’t quite know if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but I will put it in the “wasn’t expecting that” category. Throughout the course of my nine plus minuet poop, I only had one knock on the door towards the end of the experience. Upon leaving it looked like a very timid Japanese guy, who was unsuspectingly walking into a nasty ass-fog, I didn’t stick around too long to hear his cries of help.       

                There underneath the baby changing station was the make or break item for the bathroom. Here was where the toilet paper lived. Wadding up the demon sandpaper I could feel my asshole cringing with pain already. The generic one ply toilet paper, my old nemesis. How a place thinks it is ok to put this on display for the public to use is beyond me. I find this usage absolutely horrendous and I have half a mind to tell Dave next time he suggests something to go stick it, but I am a nice guy, I just have an irritable anus.

                After wiping my behind the automatic flusher took all of my meaty offerings down to the mole people. I turned my attention to the manual sink and soap. After the handwashing deed went off without a hitch, I took to the only option for hand drying, which was paper towels. Then that is when the timid Japanese man knocked on the door, and I was out and away, knowing my secret would be safe, for now…
Photo: Secret Shitter

                So now that we are done talking about our first user generated poop-review, let’s get into The Secret Shitter’s Five Star Review. Now remember some of these categories you want low, like Busyness, while others you want high, like Toilet Paper Quality. So now that you have a little bit of an idea of how this works, I guess it is time to put The Barnes and Nobel of Kenmore Square to the test.

Number of Stalls: 1
Toilet Paper Quality: 1
Stall Comfort: 3.5
Busyness: 2
Décor: 2
Cleanliness: 3.5
Accessibility: 2

Overall Rating: 3.25

                I would like to say thanks to Dave for giving us a look at an often overlooked solid three shitter at The Barnes and Nobel in Kenmore Square. I would not have known about this shitter if it weren’t for him, which is actually pretty cool. I have been in here a few times and I never noticed the bathrooms in here. Maybe I am stupid, but I am going to chalk that up to the bathroom just being really well hidden. That is exactly what I look for when I am seeking out new poo-spots around the city. It was really well hidden, and I only had one knock at the door, which was pretty awesome. The stall was fairly clean as well. The place was really clean too. It seems like they clean it on the regular which is awesome to know especially deep in the heart of the city. I enjoyed the marron floors as well, but the tagging on the wall brought the cleanliness rating down a tad. I expected that though, I mean this is a free toilet in the city, and where else is better to go and mark your turf? Anyways, the place was clean, the stall was low use, and it was well hidden from the dredges of society, so why did it score so low? Well to be frank, it is the toilet paper quality. With toilet paper of this caliber I cannot give it a higher score even if I wanted to. Remember this is about finding the best shitter’s in the city; you can’t just give out top scores all willy nilly. That would devalue the toilets that did score in the top echelon. The toilet paper here might have well been stocked by the devil himself. There was nothing pleasant about the wiping experience in this bathroom. You see I got all excited about the fact that one of my readers actually pointed me to a bathroom that I didn’t know about. And I really wanted to give it a higher score based on that alone, but sadly I can’t. I mean this is totally a serviceable shitter in its’ own right, and I thank you Dave for showing this shitter to me. However I can’t give it a higher score unless the toilet paper situation changes. So until next time folks, remember to shit with pride!
Photo: Secret Shitter

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