Monday, August 24, 2015

Big Lots in Revere

     After going into the Staples in Revere looking for something that I totally forgot about, I felt a gurgling in my belly. Unfortunately for me, I had no place to call home base. Not until I walked by our next location, The Big Lots in Revere.

A look into the Restroom
Photo: The Secret Shitter
                Now I think this Big Lots took over the space where the old Stop and Shop was by Wonderland Greyhound Park. If you are unfamiliar, or not from the area, The Wonderland Greyhound Park was a dog racing track located across the street from the Wonderland MBTA station, hence how the T station got its’ name. Now across the street from there is a big outdoor mall. There used to be a Blockbuster, Dots, and a Stop and Shop like I said earlier. Now I have never stepped into a Big Lots before, and I wasn’t sure quite what it was, but I do know that in the old Stop and Shop, there used to be a bathroom. So since my poopy senses were tingling, both figuratively and literally I went in on a whim and a prayer.

                I was in full blow hunter’s mode now going from isle to isle trying to sniff out the bathroom. I found it in the last leg of my lap around the perimeter of the premise. There was a big orange sign that said “bathrooms” so to the furthest door on the right, I walked right in and I began the onslaught. How I initially missed the sign is beyond my grasp of knowledge, but hey, we all make mistakes.

Photo: The Secret Shitter
                So upon first entering I noticed that I was the only one in there. That was really nice actually. There were two stalls and a urinal, one being a handicap stall and the other one being a common-man’s shitter. Now most of my readers will know this, but when given the chance I like to take the bigger of the two. I feel like I have a little more leg room and I don’t feel as cramped, which will hinder any persons’ poop.

                So now that I got in and I got my bag situated on the coat hanger I began my rigorous testing of the facility. When I first seated myself I knew that this would be better-than-regular poop. The toilet that they have is one of those ergonomic toilet seats. It kind of has a concave shape leaning inwards around the circular part of the bowl. As I sat here I began contemplating going over to a Home Depot one of these days and purchasing one for my families personal shitter.

                As I sat there huffing and puffing away I was able to look around like a wayward tourist
Jr Boston!
Photo: The Secret Shitter
who is lost at a local bazaar. The first and second part of my test is really combined into one. I first look, then I listen to the noises and sights that surround me. To my pleasant surprise I was the lone wolf in the room. No other person at any time came into this bathroom, which made for a very nice experience.

                As I was alone in my blissful shit, I decided to take a look and see what kind of décor that Big Lots had decided to put in their bathroom. There were your normal white colored walls which gave the environment a bright, clean feeling. The only blemish on the wall was at the far end of the handicap stall where someone tagged in black Sharpie; “Jr Boston!”. I have no idea what that means but I have seen that same tag come up at a few places along the MBTA Blue Line. I don’t know if it is just the work of one man, or it is a part of a criminal network of people working together. To be quite frank, I don’t really care either, that is not the point of this blog, I am only here to report the facts, not speculate about gang related activities in the North Shore area. Now where was I? Oh yes, the décor, outside of that one blemish, everything looked on the up and up. The floors were dark grey and had some paint-like accents in the tiles. It made the floors looked speckled with a human touch. I will say it was very nice.

                Next was my TP test. I was saddened to learn that this was a very low grade one-ply toilet paper. This was probably the same crap that they were selling for five dollars out in front of the store for a pack of twelve. Either way I haven’t come to the sad conclusion yet to start bringing my own toilet paper (BYOTP), I don’t think my pooping career has gone to that level yet. I am just a man reporting the facts, I am not some fat-cat power-pooper who is too good for the toilet paper that is provided. With as many crappy brands of toilet paper that have touched my asshole, I still go back for more punishment. Either way, to summarize the TP situation; I will say it is the first blemish in an otherwise great experience so far.

                Unfortunately I had forgot to update the portion of my notes which told me about the flushing situation. I seem to distinctly remember using my foot, so I am going to say they had a manual flusher. They also had a manual soap dispenser and water. And your only option for drying your hands was through the air dryer.

Cleaning list
Photo: The Secret Shitter
              Now that the deed was done I made one last turn to take a look at the big picture. What really stood out to me was how clean the place was. There were a few scattered pieces of unused toilet paper on the floor, but other than that everything looked like it was cleaned on the reg. And I will attribute the few pieces of toilet paper scattered on the ground to some savage who was just ripping violently at the roll. As I turned around to exit the bathroom I found something I wish I saw in more places, an up to date signed cleaning list. It was filled out for both the AM shift, and PM shift. Out of all of the bathrooms I have shat in, I have seen very little of these. I commend the manager of  Big Lots in Wonderland for holding his or her staff accountable for the cleanliness of the restroom. You never know when The Secret Shitter will strike…

                Ok so now that everything is all said and done it is time once again to go to our Secret Shitter Five Star Review. This is always my favorite part of the posts. I feel like that hard-nosed teacher you had in high school, but enough talking, let us get to the review. Now remember these are out of a possible five (5) stars.

Number of Stalls: 2
Toilet Paper Quality: 2
Stall Comfort: 4
Busyness: 1
Décor: 2
Cleanliness: 4
Accessibility: 3

Overall Rating: 4

                I know I am just as shocked as you guys that the Big Lots in Revere got this high of a score. I really had low expectations when I walked in, but I will say that I like being wrong in those types of situations. The things that led to a slightly less than perfect score was really the décor and the toilet paper quality. I am going to chalk up me missing the big bright orange sign to me really needing a port in the brown storm.   There isn’t much that they can do about the décor either, but there was a very large tag on the wall in one of the stalls. This bathroom was exceptionally clean to boot. That and the cleaning list was the deciding factor for me. Even though I do not like giving such a high score to a place with such low quality TP, I really just can’t bring myself to doing that to Big Lots in Revere. The TP situation is something that can easily be remedied, so there is always time for places to evolve their toilet paper. Hopefully places like this start reading blogs like this one and realize that in this day and age in America we demand high quality toilet paper! We work our asses’ to the bone and sometime our one escape of the day is when we go to shit. I know that is the only time I can relax when I am at work. Now that my little rant is over, I will say that the Big Lots in Revere is totally an oasis in the toilet desert that is the Wonderland Section of Revere. Come to think of it, I believe that is the only truly public toilet that is in that area. Then again, I haven’t researched the area all too well, so I am probably mistaken. I think I will have to revisit that area in the near future if I found a place that nice. Well there you have it folks, a very good to high quality shitter that is T accessible. Thanks as always for reading, and happy shitting!

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