Monday, October 5, 2015

City Target

               Good old City Target is our next Secret Shitter poo spot. Actually it isn’t an old one at all; it is the brand new Target which just opened up on Boylston Street in the Fenway section of Boston. This Target has three floors, and is conveniently located within the city. You can take the MBTA here, and do all of your shopping. Now personally I am not interested in any of that at all. I was finishing up my nightly Iced Americano from Starbucks when the sirens started to alarm me that a poop was imminent. So I headed inside the three floor building.

               There is an escalator directly ahead of you when you go through the main entrance. There is an elevator too which will bring you up to the second floor where the store begins as well. Now I am a man of swift action and I took to the escalator with the fury of a thousand Gods. I got to the top and on the opposite side of the wall past all of the cash registers, which were severely undermanned by the way, is where you will find the entrance to the hallway which will lead you to the porcelain promised land.

               Now you go down this red hallway, and turn to your right, and right there in front of you is the restrooms. There are also a family restroom and a woman’s restroom as well. Literally you cannot miss the hallway. It has big white letters which say “Bathrooms” on it.

               I walked in and I was taken aback by how large the space really is. I mean this is a huge bathroom as far as I am concerned. The weird thing though is that there are only two stalls in there. The rest is just urinals. Hopefully you will catch it when there aren’t that many people occupying the spaces. Why they would only build two stalls for shitting is beyond me. There is enough room for at least two more, with enough room leftover to accommodate four urinals. But I am not in the bathroom design business; I am in the shitting business.

               So unfortunately for me, the handicap stall what being taken by a rather loud pooting gentleman. So I went into the other stall and began my journey. Now the toilet itself looked kind of futuristic. I am picturing this type of toilet being on 2001: A Space Oddesy. But needless to say, there were both handrails in this normal stall, and there was a coat hanger to boot. Very large for a normal stall, but I don’t think you could fit a wheelchair in it, but you almost could.

               As I did my swinging arm test to gauge the stall size I did happen to notice how clean the facility was. There was literally nothing out of place on the floor and every lock, hinge, and apparatus worked as it should have. As I laid my sweet booty down for some poo time, I will say that this bathroom was incredibly busy even at night. If you are skittish about your poo tasks than I will say that you might want to find another bathroom to go to. I believe that I went around nine thirty at night, and the joint was still hopping. So just bear that in mind when you decide to enter the bathroom.

               Now the floor was white tiles with spots of beige in them. The walls were the atypical Target walls; they were bright white with red accent tiles. This is something they do across the corporate board. I would imagine that in every Target across the country each bathroom is set up with this décor in mind. So after seeing my third Target bathroom, there isn’t really anything new that jumped out to me. The stall dividers were metal, and that is pretty much that.

               After wrestling with my poo enemy, I had to turn my attention to the toilet paper in this facility. Although it was technically two ply, it was subpar at best. You would think that in a new place they would at least up their TP game a little, but sadly this is not the case. This is most likely a Georgia-Pacific Generic Two Ply #183. Needless to say my asshole was not happy with the choice of toilet paper from this particular Target.

               Now that the automatic flusher took every down, I sadly had to end my adventure. I went to go wash my hands, which by the way everything was automated; the water, soap, and air dryer. The peculiar thing about the sinks is that they kind of look like dog bowls. They are high vanity like sinks, which seem like somebody tried to put an effort into the design of the bathroom with, but they just look fucking horrible. They look like those bowls you spit into at the dentist’s office. They are just completely awkward and seem out of place in my opinion. I will commend them on giving the vanity a little color, it seems like off-white beige to be honest, but it totally doesn’t fit in the bathroom. The other thing I did notice on my way out the door was that there was a cleaning list for the week hung up on the door as you exit. So at least it is going to be kept clean.

               So now that I am done doing the poo-doo that I do, it is time to turn your attention to my Secret Shitter Five Star Review. Now remember folks this is out of a possible five (5) stars.

Number of Stalls: 2
Toilet Paper Quality: 2.5
Stall Comfort: 3.5
Busyness: 4
Décor: 3
Cleanliness: 4
Accessibility: 4
Overall Rating: 3

               I will give the City Target a solid 3 on my scale. Partly due to the accessibility and cleanliness factor (which is what you look for in a bathroom) but the other negatives outweigh the positives. What good is it if you have people knocking at the door, or shitty toilet paper? Yeah you can find this bathroom, yeah it is big, and yes it is clean, but the largeness of the bathroom is to accommodate like five urinals. I don’t think it matters what time you go here because it is going to be busy as hell regardless of the time of day. You are going to either encounter rush hour shoppers, or people going to shop before, and after they get off of work if they go to work at irregular hours. The toilet paper in this place leaves a little more to be desired. The décor is a generic Target bathroom design, so that is what it is, but those dog bowl looking sinks are ugly as sin. However If you are looking for a place that is centrally located to poo-poo than the City Target makes for a more than adequate place to shit. Even though there are better places to shit literally across the street, sometimes when nature calls, you can’t put her on hold. 

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