Monday, July 27, 2015

Cambridgeside Galleria

     The Cambridgeside Galleria is home to a myriad assortment of your regular commonplace stores. However it does boast a Taco Bell on the MBTA Green Line; which is where our next shitting escapade takes us.
     Located off of the Lechmere train stop, The Cambridgeside Galleria is your typical mall within the Boston city limits. I have had to use the facilities here on more than one occasion. This review is based on the last time I went and took the browns to the local super bowl.
a look at the wall inside the handicap stall, photo credit: secret shitter
     Just a little past the food court on your right side you will find a hallway with a restroom sign. As you saunter down the hall towards the porcelain paradise, you are conspicuously behind all of the entrances to the food court vendors. You will notice people walking up and down with various company uniforms, some headed to stock rooms, others to the rest rooms.

      After a short (50’) walk you will notice people standing around; women with baby carriages, and girlfriends waiting impatiently for their boyfriends playing on Snapchat or whatever the hell the kids do now-a-days.
      As you enter into this behemoth of a rest room, you will notice about four sinks directly in front of you. As you turn you are met with a large industrial sized trash can to throw out various things. You will notice there are an ample amount of stalls I believe there are four, plus the handicap one. This bathroom has the most ample amount of shitters we have reviewed to date here on The Secret Shitter. There are also eight urinals (four on each opposing wall), on one side there are full sized ones, and on the other side there are four slightly lower ones; presumably for the little ones.
       On this glorious day; and I saw glorious day because I was able to chow down on some Taco Bell, a delicacy in my household, I was able to secure myself the handicap stall. Now this stall was very large. When I closed the door it instantly garnered some brownie points, it has a coat hanger. However the door latch was a little tough to lock. Maybe due to overuse, it probably could use some WD-40. However even though this door had a coat hanger, the hanger itself was a little flimsy. If you put anything heavy on it, I would think you would have a hard time keeping the door latched shut.
       The thing that really got me about this crapper is how busy it actually was. Now I know that the numbers for our busyness rating will be a tad skewed, after all this is a mall in a major metropolitan city. But what happened to me throughout the course of my anal cleansing was nothing less than unsatisfactory. Now some people do not like to dook in public unless they are in the middle of a brown storm, but this bathroom was almost too busy for even me! It seemed like every minuet there was a different person slamming shut another stall door. Now this might not be commonplace every day, but I feel as though I need to write about this part of the expedition. With every slam of the door, the wall to my stall would shake ever so violently. Now I usually put my bag on the coat hanger, and as I said earlier, the door to my stall was a tad shaky at best, I was in fear of the door opening and me being at the other end of a mammoth stall and my largest fear would be to have someone mistake the stall for being vacant and rushing in, only to find me trying to hobble my poor ass to the door with my ding-a-ling hanging in the wind and my pants loosely around my ankles. These are the types of scenarios that keep The Secret Shitter up at night.
tile design photo credit; the secret shitter
  Now back to the task at hand. As I am nearing the end of my adventure I stop to soak in the sights and sounds around me. The décor is really nothing to write home about. Some regular commonplace tiles line this powder room, probably picked by some suit in a different part of the country looking to save a few bucks by getting generic looking tiles.
       Now on to the big test, the TP test. The paper was not too hard, nor too soft. I cannot identify a brand of paper by touch, or by use. It did the job, with minimal effects on my sphincter. When I went to go to flush, it really just took down the poop and little paper. Taking notes on the situation I gathered my bag and headed for the sink to wash my hands and get on with my day.
       The sink that I used had a weird timed delay to it. I put my hand under and it took a few seconds for the sensor to register my hand was there. Needless to say the same thing happened with the soap dispenser, only this time nothing came out. I am thinking that either the soap dispenser was out of product, or the battery in the sensor was dead. So I had to awkwardly shift to using a different sink. The water washed all of the soap off of my hands in about two cycles. By far the worst we have reviewed here on The Secret Shitter.
       There is only one option for hand drying in this location, which are two air dryers. Not my preferred method of hand drying but it is better than using my pants. This particular air dryer took about two and a half cycles to get my hands bone dry, not something that a busy professional such as me has no time for.

So now that we know about the spot, let’s get to the ratings. Remember these are all out of a possible 5 stars.

Number of Stalls: 4
Toilet Paper Quality: 3
Stall Comfort: 3
Busyness: 4.5
Décor: 2
Cleanliness: 3
Accessibility: 4

Overall: 3.5 out of 5

     The Cambridgeside Galleria garners a 3.5 rating from The Secret Shitter. While there are plenty of stalls for you and your buddies, you just can’t get over how busy this bathroom is. Not an ideal spot to get away from the stresses of everyday life. You take a look at the generic décor, and realize that the bathroom’s handwashing hardware was most likely picked with the same haste. TP was fine, but the constant slamming of doors was not. You almost feel like you need to rush your number two when you’re in this spot, which is something I do not like to do. You will also be disappointed with the handwashing and hand drying machinery. All of this is fine if you are in the mall and looking to take a power dook, but I would not want to hunker down here for longer than necessary. Thanks for reading and remember; Grunt with pride, and never be ashamed to Poop!

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