Sometimes
you just have to go. This is the situation I found myself in when I went to our
next destination, The Residence in Marriott Hotel. Now I am no stranger to the
pooping danger, and hotel bathrooms have been pretty good to me. They are free,
and if you don’t look homeless, chances are they will let you go right on in
and use the bathroom without having to buy anything, or do anything special to
gain entrance.
When you enter the hotel you will
see that the lobby is quite large. There is a little area to the left after you
walk in where they serve coffee and tea. Right in front of you will be the
front desk. There will be no way around it, you will have to ask to use the
bathroom here. The restrooms are marked, but it is only once you start walking
down towards that area the signs become visible.
So what if you don’t want to tell
the front desk agent you got a dook monster lurking in your loins? Well here is
what you do. Remember when I told you about the coffee and tea to your left?
Keep that information in your head. That room has an open design, but there is
a small hallway that keeps going, that is where the bathroom is located. If you
keep walking down this way, turn left and you will find the bathrooms.
When you walk into the bathroom you
will notice that there is only one stall. Just to my liking it is a handicap
stall. I guess if you are going to have just one stall it needs to be a
handicap one. Any way I was pumped. I got in and began my evaluation of the
Fenway area pooper.
You know what was great about it?
There were two hooks to hang your coat on. One hook for your bag, and another
for your jacket. These are the things that I like to see in a bathroom. Someone
must like to poop like me. But either way you will also find that the stall is
rather comfortable and large. It is the size of the wall and takes up a nice
chunk of the bathroom.
The other great thing about this
bathroom was being able to poop in peace for a solid ten minutes without being
interrupted in the least. Not only did nobody come and knock on the door, but
nobody even came in to take a piss. I normally go and use the bathrooms at
night after work, but on this day it was somewhere around eleven o’clock in the
morning. So needless to say I was shocked when it came to the fact that the
bathroom was barren.
Now the décor of the pooper was
pretty different. The walls were a manage of brown, grey, and white. While the
floor tiles were grey with a touch of lime green. Now that is the wild factor I
look for. Very few places incorporate green into their color schemes, it is
usually dark, woody, colors. Adding the lime green to the light grey made the
bathroom seem light and airy.
So while frolicking through the
poop-fields, it was sadly time to end my stay here, which means I had to turn
my attention to the toilet paper. Now you can have the best décor, a heated
toilet seat, hell you could even have a washroom attendant, but all of that goes
out the window if you have subpar toilet paper. Actually the toilet paper that
was in this bathroom was a quite cushy two ply. The only downside was that one
of the two toilet paper holders was broken. I am sure somebody knows and have
worked on it since I went in there, but you cannot be too sure. Nothing in my
notes stood out to me expect the nice quality of the toilet paper, so with that
deed done, the automatic flusher took my offering to the mole people living beneath
Boston, and I was on my way.
It is also worth mentioning that the
hand washing facilities were automatic as well. With a paper towel drying apparatus.
So that is always good too. So now that we are in the know, let us get to The
Secret Shitter’s Five Star Review System.
Number of
Stalls: 1
Accessibility:
2
Stall
Comfort: 5
Cleanliness:
4
Toilet Paper
Quality: 4
Décor: 5
Busyness: 1
Overall
Rating: 5
That’s right, we are going to give
the Residence Inn Marriott Hotel Five Stars. Considering that this hotel is
nestled in one of the busiest districts of Boston (Fenway Neighborhood) and it
was mid-day, and not a single person even came in to take a leak, I consider
this bathroom an oasis in the dessert of shit. What really set the bathroom
over the edge was the subtle use of lime green in the tiles. Yeah I know what
you are saying to yourself, that is all it takes to impress you? Well, yes, and
no. I applaud the Residence Inn Marriott Hotel and their design team when it
comes to the color scheme, but it is more about the seclusion and about the
security of my anus to be honest. Not to mention the toilet paper didn’t rip my
asshole to shreds. Even though one of the toilet paper holders were broken, I
am sure that it has been rectified by the time of this writing. I can’t imagine
that a hotel will let something like that go for too long without it being
checked out. Yeah there is some generic Red Sox pictures hanging in the bathroom,
but that is to be expected in the Fenway Neighborhood of Boston. So if you are
down that way before a game, or are just in the neighborhood this is a must
poop place.
Think I got it right, want to add
some of your own stories? Sound off in the comment section below.
Also have you heard that we have a
book out? You did? Did you get it? Why not? Keep The Secret Shitter’s Guide to
Boston Volume 1 in your bag and never fear pooping in public again. Get to KNOW
the bathrooms before you have to GO to the bathroom. The Secret Shitter’s Guide
to Boston Volume 1 makes a great Birthday gift, or a gift for any time of the
year. So head on over to Amazon.com and pick your copy up today!
Until next time, Peace.
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