 |
| The Diamond in the Rough Photo Credit; The Secret Shitter |
Did you know that going down to Somerville’s Assembly Row is one of my favorite new spots? I love the fact
that there is a Christmas Tree Shop, Kmart, and a Home Depot all along the MBTA’s
brand new Assembly Station. There are
plenty of things to do here. There are numerous factory outlet stores. Assembly
Row is also home to Legoland!
I cannot enter Legoland without a
child. Maybe one of these days I will take my nephew down and pay a visit. But
for now I was searching for the public restroom when I had to flag down some
security people and have them point the way. It is hidden inside of the parking
garage, which brings us to our next episode of The Secret Shitter.
Now this restroom is split, left
side for the men, and right for the women. If you are waiting for one of your
friends or loved ones, there are very nice benches located directly out of the
bathroom exit. The benches look like they are made of faux leather, and are
somewhat comfortable to sit on. I know this because as I was going over my
notes, I spent a good five to seven minutes sitting down.
Now as you enter you will see two
stalls and a handicap one. You know which one I am headed for… I saunter my way
into the handicap stall and I lock the door behind me. As I shut the door and I
am mentally preparing myself, I turn around to find the coat hanger, which is
located on most of the stall doors, but I could not find one. I turn my
attention slightly right, and on the right side of the door there is the coat
hanger hanging on the wall. “Impressive” I say to myself, this is totally a
first for me. Someone clearly has either been reading the blog, or they are
just another like-minded bathroom aficionado.
The restroom itself is very bright,
and tidy. I go to “get in my zone”
and examine the seat. This seat was different though. The seat had a fluid
concave circular drop around the inside rim of the bowl. This is the first time
I have experienced a bowl design like this. It felt odd, but efficient; it is
very hard to describe to be honest. I guess the word I am looking for would be ergonomic
perhaps? Either way it is time for me to get
down with the brown clowns.
 |
| There is the Coat Hanger Photo Credit; The Secret Shitter |
Remember how I told you about the
coat hanger? Well seated on my throne, I notice something kind of cool. The
coat hanger is directly center of the steel support beam which runs vertically
from the ceiling to the floor. Upon further investigation I concluded that this
coat hanger is one of the sturdiest I have seen to date.
There was a low busyness factor in
this facility. I believe only one person came in while I heaved a grumpy for a solid ten minutes. This allowed me to immerse
myself in my surroundings and take in the décor of the parking lot restroom.
Now the décor is a mostly white industrial-yet-modern design with some accent
tiles plastered around in a pleasing arrangement. As I am soaking up the
design, I notice something really lavish about this latrine. There is wood trim
which runs the length around the bathroom horizontally. Now I know this whole
complex was built fairly recently, but man, for a parking lot bathroom these
guys went the extra mile! Needless to say I am very pleased with the aesthetics
of this powder room.
Now on to the TP. Unfortunately the
TP that was present was a measly one-ply. Kind of disappointing considering how
the rest of the bathrooms atmosphere feels. Either way as I wiped my butt, I
could feel it start to sting. The fucking one ply was literally tearing me a
new one! This is the burden one carries around with them when they are at the
mercy of hemorrhoids. However I do not let the inferior quality paper spoil my
trip.
 |
| The Accent Tiles and Wood Trim Photo Credit; The Secret Shitter |
Now as you can imagine the flush
took my mighty offering down with one
gulp. I gathered my items and I headed towards the hand washing station. As you
can imagine all of the dispensers are automatic. Both water and soap dispenser
is made by this company called Sloan.
The water flow was steady and efficient, and the soap didn’t have that weird
timed delay that most have. It took about one and one-half cycles of water to
clean my hands. Now for the hand drying situation there were two options; paper
towels, and an air dryer. Now for those
of you who have been paying attention, I usually do not use the air-dryers that
are in most bathrooms. They never fully dry my hands and I am always left with
some slightly damp hands. However everything changes when you see the Dyson Airblade DB. Now if any of you are
unfamiliar with the Airblade DB, it
is a dryer that you stick your hands down vertically while air blows on both
sides of your hands, wicking it away as you lift your hands up and out of the
sensor region. Although this is just as efficient as most air-dryers, I always
have fun using these. I feel like I am in the future!
Upon my exit of the restroom I
notice something rather odd hanging from the door. There are hours for this
restroom. The hours posted on the door are as follows:
Monday – Saturday: 10:00AM – 9:00PM
Sunday: 11:00AM - 6:00PM
Now I can’t help but think that these hours are just a loose
set of guidelines. Because after taking a note of the hours, I looked down at
my watch to record the time and it was 6:50PM on a Sunday night. So there has
to be something amiss here. I will attribute it to the fact that it is most
likely securities job to ensure the bathroom is locked, and there is probably a
bare-bone skeleton crew scheduled on Sunday’s.
So now
that you have come along with me on my little excursion to Somerville, let us begin The Secret Shitter Review. Now for
all of you new readers (and for those of you who may need a refresher) these
are rated out of a possible 5 stars.
Number of Stalls: 3
Toilet Paper Quality: 1
Stall Comfort: 4
Busyness: 1.5
Décor: 4.5
Cleanliness: 4
Accessibility: 2
Overall: 4.5
Congratulations Assembly
Row Parking Garage for receiving a very commendable 4.5 out of 5 stars from The
Secret Shitter! I believe this is the highest rating I have bestowed
upon any place as of the time of this writing. Everything about this shitter
was a home run outside of a few things. I have a feeling that this was probably
one of the last places Assembly Row wanted to house their
bathroom, but it might have been a victim of a design flaw. Or maybe they are
conning me, maybe this bathroom is so awesome that you have to seek it out and
be amazed for yourself. Either way, this bathroom only got a minus .5 stars
because of the accessibility factor, and the horrendous TP they used. If they
changed the TP situation here I might have to amend my rating and give this a
perfect 5 stars. However with all things considered, the bathroom at the Assembly
Row Parking Garage should be a destination for any avid public pooper.
You will thank me when you find this diamond in the rough. For now everyone,
remember to grunt with pride, and never be ashamed to poop.
Did you seriously like really really love what you just
read? Wouldn’t you like love to totally read more? Then follow us on Social
Media you Silly Billy, here is where you can find us:
Twitter:
@Secret_Shitter
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thesecretshitter
And if speaking to me in private is your thing, than you can
email me at:
Secret.Shitter617@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment