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| Photo: Secret Shitter |
So I recently bought anAsus Transformer
tablet, which is pretty nice by the way, and I needed some accessories for
it. Now when I bought the tablet, it came with a clip on keyboard thing which
was pretty fucking cool. It has a USB slot so I can plug in external disk
drives, and printers and all sorts of other shit. It is a window’s based
tablet, which is exactly what I wanted. I didn’t want an oversized Android or IPhone. So why in the blue blazes am I telling you about this? Well
because I needed to go down to Microcenter
and get some stuff, I was around the area I needed to be for our next location,
The
Courtyard Marriott at Memorial Drive.
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| Photo: Secret Shitter |
Ok so
there is a big square in the center of the lobby with the front desk to your
right. Pay no attention to that. The key to shitting in hotel lobby bathrooms
is; not looking like a vagrant, and being confident. You heard me correct, you
need to be confident. See if you go in all timid, the staff is going to smell
that a mile away. Even if you are playing off like you don’t know where you’re
going, you still need to FEEL like you are staying in the hotel. Usually they
don’t give a rat’s ass if you use their toilet or not, just so long as you
don’t present yourself as a junkie or anything.
Ok so I
got a little off track there, but lets’ focus here. You have to shit, and you
need to find the bathroom. So when you go through the automatic doors keep
heading straight along the right side of the middle square. Turn to your left
and directly in front of you should be the bathrooms. Don’t do what I did which
was walk around the square a few times, passing by the front desk, this almost
blew my cover.
So now
that you got in you are probably wondering how many stalls there are? Well
there is exactly one truth be told. It is of the handicap variety too. I am
totally loving this. There was a coat hanger on the door as well for me to hang
up my things. Now that I was all situated it was time for me to hot the
countdown timer and start our little evaluation.
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| Photo: Secret Shitter |
Now the
toilet seat was kind of too high for me to be honest. I really do not like the
feeling of my legs dangling as I heave a grumpy. I feel too much like a little
kid pooping on the big boy’s toilet. However from my high vantage point I was
able to soak in all of the comforts of this rest room. There was soft rock
playing in the bathroom which masked the sounds of my farts, I thought that
this was a very nice touch. Even though not too many people ending up coming
through the bathroom while I was creating some sweet music of my own. I think I
recall a total number of two people passing through the commode while I shat.
Now the
stall was spacious and roomy. Like I said earlier, it had a high seat. But I
was able to sit down and soak in the sights and colors of the world around me.
The floors were like a white-ish marble. The walls were predominantly peach,
but they had a very cool design on them in deep gold. It kind of looked like
small rectangles connected by a vertical line. I thought that this added to the
allure of the stall. I thought that whomever did the redesign, did a thorough
job as well. He or she totally thought this one through and it shows.
With
that said, do not be deceived by the fancy look of the bathroom alone. Because
the toilet paper situation just made me want to hang my head in shame. So far
this bathroom had everything going for it. But just and I went to rip my first
round off of the roll, I noticed how cheap this two ply felt between my
fingers. My asshole confirmed my suspicions when I went to wipe the poo goo
from it. Man that toilet paper actually tore my asshole up!
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| Photo: Secret Shitter |
The
disappointed wiping experience led me to see if the toilet would take down my
turd burger in one gulp. I figured that maybe they were cutting corners in
other hidden areas of the bathroom. Thankfully the water washed away all of the
brown nuggets I left as presents for the sewer people below.
Next I
began my hand washing ritual. I used the manual sink and soap to wash my hands
thoroughly. The only option here for drying was paper towels. The paper towels
were a little better than average, which I thought was nice. But this is
usually the second time, with acclimated eyes, I get to gander around the rest
room and inspect the cleanliness. I am happy to report to you guys that nothing
seemed out of place here in this rest room. Everything was very neat, clean,
and lead to an overall pleasant atmosphere.
With
poo-poo time all said and done with, it is not time again for The
Secret Shitter’s Five Star Review. This is where I put the screws on
each bathroom with a critic’s eye, now remember all of these ratings are out of
a possible five (5). Some of the numbers you want high, like Cleanliness, while
others you want low, like Busyness. Now that you sort of know what is going on,
let us begin our review.
Number of Stalls: 1
Toilet Paper Quality: 2
Stall Comfort: 3.5
Busyness: 2
Décor: 4.5
Cleanliness: 5
Accessibility: 3
Overall Rating: 4.5
Even
though this bathroom has terrible toilet paper I still gave it an almost
perfect score. It is hidden and out of the way, making this a perfect poop spot
for anyone to enjoy. The one stall really wasn’t a factor in the least bit
because of how few people used the restroom while I was there. The stall itself
was spacious and comfortable, so that was pretty awesome. The décor of the
place was very nice compared to what it used to be. If I remember correctly it
was more like wooden-business like, than anything. This is a very welcome
design change. I love the peach and the white. I think those colors go
fantastic together, and it made for a very mellow experience. I also thoroughly
enjoyed the soft rock playing overhead. If anyone is timid of public pooping,
than rest assured because this bathroom will mask your terrible fart sounds. I
would like to also point out how clean the facility was too. It isn’t every
bathroom lives up to those kinds of standards. Now I would like to say that if
you are ever at Microcenter getting
some computer stuff, take a short walk over to the Courtyard Marriott Hotel on
Memorial Drive and take a beefy dump, you will thank me later.
I am sick of writing this part of the post, so please follow
us already…
Twitter:
@Secret_Shitter
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thesecretshitter
Also you can email me if you want to, but no one ever does…
Secret.Shitter617@gmail.com
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